My Faded Wonderland
by Hoshinka
Summary: As more time passes in Wonderland, Alice yearns to see her beloved sister; though her memories are beginning to disappear as her stay lengthens. She would give anything to return home again, but what if it's already too late for her? One-shot.


**This is a reupload from my old account, ReflectiveFragments. This is the original one-shot from April 21, 2012.  
** **That being said, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to those checking this out!**

 **Disclaimer: The HNKNA series and its related characters all belong to QuinRose.**

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The very last picture of you, in my mind, was your retreating backside going into the household to fetch a deck of cards. I thought nothing of it at first, really; after all, you were going to return in a few minutes with the cards in your hands. However, life took a turn for the worst, and I was forced down a rabbit hole into a world full of lunatics who thought killing and violence was an everyday thing.

At first, I thought, "It's all right; I can still return home." Not too soon after that thought passed my mind was I told of how I was stuck in the place known as 'Wonderland', having to participate in their so-called game. All because of that rabbit that jumped into the rabbit hole, pulling me along with him. All because he forced me to drink some strange, awful-tasting liquid; stealing a kiss in the process. All because he claimed to be 'in love' with me, and only wanted me 'to be happy'. But what does he know about _my_ happiness? How could he understand my feelings if he's the one who caused my despair? I'm trapped in a place where I can only pretend that I'm happy, simply to please others—a world in which I'm cursed to hide my real feelings deep into my heart, thoughts so well-hidden that even the mind reader cannot see them.

Nonetheless, I continued to endure it. So long as I could return home and enjoy those Sunday afternoons with you again; perhaps I would even try to reconcile my relationship with Edith, maybe even apologize for my behaviour.

But I'm starting to become scared. The longer I'm here in Wonderland, the more I can't remember about the world we live in; my memories are fading and even your face is starting to become a blur. Every day, I try to replay all of my memories in my head, but some images are blanked out and voices are becoming distant. I'm afraid that I've forgotten important memories already.

The memories continue playing, even in my dreams; though sometimes the mind reader, or dream demon, Nightmare, disrupts them to talk to me. I pretend to not mind, but reliving those memories was something I preferred more to having long, albeit very interesting, chats with the man.

I miss having delicious meals cooked by you, even more so when I remember how fun it was to help you prepare them. I remember the first time I helped you make a dish—my favourite dessert, blueberry strudels—and how I made a few myself after. I'd made the kitchen a mess; but instead of scolding me, you tasted one of the pastries and told me how well-made they were, then helping me clean up.

But my most prominent memory—my earliest one, in fact—was not of mother. It was you reading a book to me, under the shade of the tree in our garden, during a bright Sunday afternoon. It was so long ago, but it was my clearest memory. Even now, I hold it dearer than anything, not because it's my earliest, but because it was my first Sunday afternoon with you.

Yet, despite my greatest efforts in keeping my thoughts and memories safe, they keep disappearing. Even my most treasured one is fading now, being replaced with the ones of Wonderland. I do not wish for this!

Now, I'm afraid to close my eyes, knowing you're not there for me anymore. I know you won't be there when I open my eyes. When will I open my eyes again, I wonder? When will I close them again? Possibly never; it's too late for me now. I'm trapped in this place for the rest of eternity now, unable to return. I just wanted to return home, to see you just even once more... but I suppose that's a wish that will be left undone.

Because... Lorina, my glass vile has been shattered into a billion pieces. I've found out the truth; why is fate so cruel? Perhaps the rabbit truly did bring me to this Wonderland for the sake of my greater happiness, but it hurts too much.

"Alice Liddell, you've just lost the game."


End file.
